"Quickies" certainly have their time and place, but couples who continuously skip foreplay are passing up a great way to get emotionally and physically warmed up for a romp. "Foreplay is crucial for good sex," says Debra Herbenick, PhD, MPH, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in Bloomington. "It's not just an old wives’ tale that foreplay is something that people should spend more time doing."
Read on to discover the physicial and emotional benefits of foreplay, plus how to incorporate more of it into your sexual routine.
The Benefits of Foreplay
Doing anything that's sexually arousing can help a woman lubricate, which in turn may help a man get and maintain an erection. Dr. Herbenick says that when a man is having difficulty achieving climax, he may find it easier if he and his partner have engaged in foreplay before sex.
For women, foreplay can actually make sex more pleasurable. "When a woman's body becomes aroused, the vaginal muscles pull the uterus up a bit, making more room in the vagina," says Herbenick. This process, called vaginal tenting, creates more space, which makes sex more enjoyable. "If this doesn't happen, sex may be uncomfortable for a woman," notes Herbenick.
Foreplay can also help a couple feel closer and more intimate, which ultimately may lead both partners to feel more aroused, says Herbenick. Foreplay is really "about building an emotional connection and getting some excitement going," she says.
How to Communicate About Foreplay
You can't know what your partner likes and wants during foreplay if you don't talk about it. "People don't spend enough time just talking to each other when they're not having sex," says Herbenick. So ask your partner questions about how he or she wants to be touched, stroked, kissed, and caressed — but talk about it outside of the bedroom.
"While it's helpful to get information about how your partner wants to be touched in the moment, it's easier to have those conversations when you're not about to have sex," says Herbenick.
5 Ways to Include Foreplay in Your Sexual Routine
There is no good or bad method of foreplay, and you don't have to spend hours cuddling, stroking, and kissing before you can move on to sex. A few minutes of foreplay may be all you need.
"Aim for at least 10 minutes to give your bodies enough time to warm up," suggets Herbenick. What's important is to "focus on kissing and stroking the stomach, inner thighs, and breasts before moving toward the genitals," she notes.
To get your minds and bodies warmed up for sex, try these ways to incorporate foreplay into your routine:
1. Play a game. Consider purchasing sex games that offer tips and rules on what to do to each other.
2. Talk dirty. Say what you're feeling, what you want your partner to do, and what you're thinking.
3. Get close. Try different ways to touch and hold each other, such as dancing or showering together.
4. Use oils and flavored products. Give each other back, foot, or full body massages with an oil or lotion. Pour chocolate, whipped cream, or other tasty delights on your partner's skin, and take your time licking it off.
5. Touch each other. Caress your partner's face, run your fingers through the hair, and gently tickle the insides of the arms, the stomach, and the thighs. Rub against each other or lightly tickle — whatever feels good.